Many children feel nervous or unsure about school at different times. Whether it's a new school year, friendship challenges, or fear of the unknown, these feelings are common — and often manageable with reassurance and routine. But for some children, school worry can become stronger over time and may begin to affect attendance, confidence, and wellbeing.
Below you'll find practical advice and support for parents — from everyday worry through to more serious school avoidance and refusal.
1. Everyday Worries About School
When school feels a bit overwhelming.
Mild worry about school might show up in simple ways, especially at the start of the school year or during times of change. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings while helping your child build confidence.
Signs your child might be feeling mild anxiety about school include:
- Becoming teary, clingy or quiet before school
- Complaining of sore tummies or headaches that pass once the day begins
- Asking to stay home occasionally
- Worrying about friendships, classwork, or the unknown
To support your child through normal school nerves, try:
- Staying calm and validating: Let your child know their feelings are okay. “I can see you're nervous — that's alright. Lots of kids feel this way.”
- Keeping routines steady: Predictable mornings reduce uncertainty and help children feel safe.
- Talking about the positives: Focus gently on things your child enjoys at school.
- Connecting with your child’s teacher: A simple classroom strategy or buddy system can make a big difference.
- Look for ways you can be engaged in your child’s school. Your commitment to attending parent events, helping out with events or at the school canteen communicates to your child that you value the school and are a part of the community.
This video offers practical strategies parents can use to help their child build resilience during times of worry.
2. School Avoidance
When worry starts to affect attendance.
Sometimes, worry becomes harder to manage, and children begin avoiding school altogether. This stage often starts slowly but can escalate quickly. Acting early can prevent more serious attendance challenges from occurring.
You may be noticing:
- Frequent complaints of illness that aren’t medically explained
- Trouble falling asleep or waking up on school days
- Ongoing resistance or distress during the school morning routine
- Increasing number of late arrivals or missed days
- Relief or calmness when allowed to stay home
To help your child stay engaged and supported:
- Act early and consistently: The sooner support begins, the easier it is to return to regular attendance.
- Be firm and kind: Set a clear expectation that school is important, while showing understanding. “We’re going to school because it matters, and we’ll do it together.”
- Break it down into small steps: Start with a partial day, or just arriving at the gate if needed. Celebrate every small success.
- Work with the school: Teachers, counsellors and pastoral care staff can help develop a supportive plan.
- Explore what might be underneath: Avoidance is often a sign of anxiety, academic struggles, or social concerns.
Headspace provides a comprehensive list of strategies to use with your child who is experiencing school stress.
3. School Refusal
When going to school feels impossible for your child.
School refusal is when a child or teen becomes so emotionally overwhelmed that they cannot attend school, even though they may want to. It’s a serious issue often linked to anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns.
School refusal may look like:
- Intense emotional distress at the thought of going to school
- Panic attacks, meltdowns, or freezing during school drop-off
- Refusal to get dressed, leave the car, or enter the school grounds
- Missing multiple days or weeks of school despite efforts to attend
- Withdrawal, sadness, or shutting down when school is mentioned
Supporting a child through school refusal takes time and teamwork. Helpful steps include:
- Collaborating with the school: Request a return-to-school plan that is gradual, flexible, and supported.
- Maintaining structure at home: Stick to consistent wake times, meals, and limits on screens to reduce the sense of “time off.”
- Being compassionate yet clear: Reassure your child that their feelings are real, and that school is still non-negotiable. Be consistent and have a clear agreement between parents (even if separated) about school attendance.
- Seeking professional support: A GP, psychologist, or school counsellor can support your family and address underlying issues.
- Avoiding long-term absences when possible: Staying home may feel like relief, but it often strengthens anxiety over time. A slow return is better than none.
You Are Not Alone
Whether your child is struggling with worry, starting to avoid school, or refusing altogether — help is available. Collaboratively work with the school and your child to explore possible causes for your child's avoidance of school. This could include academic challenges or social issues. With the right support and consistent care, most children can reconnect with school in a positive way.
You can seek further advice free from NSW ParentLine 1300 1300 52.
4. Look After Yourself
Parenting is tough at the best of times. But when your child is struggling with school anxiety and attendance issues, it is completely normal to feel frustrated, worried, confused, angry or disappointed.
During these times, it is even more important to look after yourself. If you feel like you are struggling to cope, make sure you support your own wellbeing:
- Ask for help and accept care from others. Reach out to people you already know whom you can rely on for assistance (e.g., family or friends), or find new supports (e.g., peer support, online support groups or health professionals).
- Engage in exercise or physical activity (e.g. sport, walking or gardening).
- Do something enjoyable.
- Get enough sleep.
- Talk over problems or feelings with someone who is supportive and caring.
- Learn relaxation methods or use meditation apps like Smiling Minds. You can do these activities with your child as a way to promote healthy relaxation strategies.
- Include prayer in your daily life. Much research supports the belief that praying is an effective way to manage feelings of stress and anxiety. The Daily Examen is a wonderful prayer to use to help reflect on your day and build a practice of gratitude.
